When Helping Stunts Your Team's Growth (And Burns You Out)

My client Kevin was a high-performing exec at a quickly-scaling company. Smart. Driven. Respected. Wicked Pickleball backhand (not relevant to his company, but seriously don't hit to his backhand).

He started every morning with a focused plan. But by 10:30am or so, the plan was worthless: message pings. Last minute calendar invites. Team members swung by “just for a quick thing.”

“Hey, can you look at this real quick?”

“Can you jump in on this call?”

“Not sure what the client meant here. Thought I’d check with you.”

By about 5:30pm everyday, Kevin was fried. No time for deep work. No time to think. No real progress on the priorities that actually moved his business forward. And nothing left in the tank for his family once he got home. 

He was the fire chief with a hose in his hand, putting out fires all day long to keep his team moving. 

His company was scaling, and scaling companies have unending fires to put out. And no pun intended: it was burning him out.

When Kevin and I started working together, he couldn't see a way out. He believed this was simply the way it was for leaders at scaling companies. 

Not only was Kevin wrong (there was a way out), but he was stunting his team's growth in the process. 

If you're still reading, I bet you're just like Kevin: a great leader, your team wants to follow you and you care deeply about them, and you care about the results you're trying to create. And just like Kevin, the fires to put out seem infinite, and you're worried you might be burning out. 

How did it get this way? 

One simple reason: you're a good person. 

Why You Think You Do This: To Be Helpful

You care about your team members. When they ask for help, you want to be helpful. 

You tell yourself this is what good leaders do: be available, solve problems, modeling hustle and support.

Are you actually being helpful? Your team members certainly think so, and this is reflected in their gratitude and affinity towards you as a leader.

But there's more to the story as we peel back another layer of the onion. 

You ARE being helpful...

...AND you like how being helpful makes you feel. And this is stunting your team's growth. 

Why You Actually Do This: Meaning and Purpose

You woke up this morning in pursuit of one key feeling: meaning and purpose. 

Everything you do. Everything on your explicit or implicit to-do list is in pursuit of achieving meaning and purpose. You don't often articulate this truth, but in your heart of hearts you know it's true.

Don't believe me? Try staying in bed all day tomorrow. Don't do anything. My guess is that thought experiment alone gives you a cold sweat. 

You like being needed. Guess what: so do I! We all do, because it gives us meaning and purpose.

When your team member interrupts you with the next fire to put out, guess what's on offer in that moment? Meaning and purpose! It feels good to be needed, and to have the ability to meet the need.

The question is: is it burning you out? If you're reading this, most likely. But it also makes you feel valuable day in and day out. 

My intent here isn't to criticize your ego. In fact I think you should actually pursue meaning and purpose.

My intent is to show you you're actually hurting your team operating this way AND increasing your stress and overwhelm. 

You're Team Isn't Developing, They're Deferring

When a team member knocks on your door and needs help, it's because they've reached the limit of their resources, unable to solve the problem, and they believe they need to DEFER to you to solve the problem. 

When you solve the problem for your team member, you rob them of a critical opportunity to DEVELOP as a professional. 

The reason you can solve the problem in the first place is because you DID NOT DEFER a problem like this in the past, giving you the critical opportunity to DEVELOP. Your team members need this exact same opportunity, or you're going to be the fire chief holding the fire hose all the way till burnout.

When you solve problems for your team members, you're teaching them to bring you problems, not solutions. They DEFER instead of DEVELOP. Whether you intend this or not, you make them the supporting characters, and you the hero. 

Scaling companies don't need singular heroes on the edge of burnout. They need independent problem solvers EVERYWHERE that can share the load. 

How to Develop Independent Problem Solvers

You develop independent problem solvers capable of putting out fires on their own in the same way you develop any skill: focused reps with helpful feedback loops to improve results. 

Here are three strategies to help your team get focused reps with helpful feedback loops:

The 10 Minute Rule

Instead of allowing your team to have unlimited access to you, require that they take 10 minutes and try to solve the problem via Google or an AI like ChatGPT. Based on studies by Zendesk, OpenAI and Microsoft, this simple step will filter out 50% to 70% of questions that would otherwise come your way (imagine your day with 50% to 70% less interruptions!).

Most importantly, this builds experiential equity for your team that they can actually solve their own problems. 

Here's an easy script to copy/paste into an email or Teams/Slack message to get this started:

Hey team, we've had a noticeable increase in requests for help internally, and I want to make sure we’re protecting our most critical asset: our focus time. To support that, we're implementing the 10 Minute Rule: before interrupting a teammate for help, take 10 minutes to search for the solution via Google, our internal docs, or any approved AI tool like ChatGPT. If you're still stuck, feel free to reach out for help. Thanks for helping us build a culture of focus and independent problem solving. 

The 1-3-1 Method

The 10 Minute Rule should eliminate 50% to 70% of requests for help, so what should you do with the rest? I recommend the 1-3-1 Method: if your team member is still stuck after 10 minutes, require them to describe the 1 problem they are trying to solve, identify 3 possible solutions with pros and cons, and recommend 1 solution.  

Describing 1 problem encourages your team member to clarify what they are trying to solve, which in turn helps you (or anyone else) more quickly understand the issue at hand. Often your team member will find there are multiple problems trying to be solved. They should run 1-3-1 for each problem separately. 

Identifying 3 possible solutions encourages your teammate to try to solve the problem different ways, not simply fall in love with the first idea they come up with. By requiring pros & cons, you encourage them to think deeply about the possible solutions. 

Recommending 1 solution encourages your teammate to be the actual problem solver. If they were fully empowered, what would they do? 

When they present their 1-3-1 work to you, this is a critical moment to develop them. If they are a solid team member, they've done the best they can based on their experience. Your job is one of two things here:

1. Affirm Their Solution - If you agree with their recommendation, simply say "do it". This builds more experiential equity for them that they can actually solve their own problems. 
2. Fill in the Context Gaps - Remember, they did the best they could with the experience they had. If you don't agree with the possible solutions or their recommendation, you need to give them the context they don't have to help them fill in the gaps, then ask them to re-evaluate their solutions or recommendation based on that new context. What this sounds like: "I really like what you did here. One thing to consider is (missing context). If you had that context, what solution or recommendation do you think you'd make?" Your giving them a powerful rep with a helpful feedback loop. The next time they see a problem like this, they'll be that much more equipped to solve it on their own. 

Delegate for Development

Maxed out executives tend to delegate to get time back, but thoughtful leaders like you are going to delegate to develop their people. Everybody wins!

Check our full guide on how to delegate for development.

But What Do You Do With All This Free Time? 

If you’re honest with yourself, you’re not quite sure what you’d do with all the free time if you weren’t putting out your team's fires all day long. That's where Time Boss comes in. 

The Time Boss Weekly Framework helps you align your calendar with your actual goals and values, ensuring you make progress on what matters most, without risk of overwhelm or burnout. If you're curious, check out the 90 Minute Masterclass. It's free, and you can start implementing it today. 

If you need help, or feel like your situation is sticky in need of additional support, please reach out. Our team would love to spend 30 minutes with you, help you relieve pressure and get a quick win on your calendar, and can suggest additional options to help you or team take control of your time to get the results you want, without risk of overwhelm or burnout. 

P.S. Know a scaling leader or company who could benefit from this post? Please share! Our goal is to help as many professionals as possible experience freedom and relief in their workdays.